When Kindness Stops at the Counter: A Reflection on Bullying in the Service Industry

bylilacoak
Oct 8
3 min read

At Lilac Oak, we’ve always believed that food is more than just what’s on the plate — it’s about people, community, and connection. Yet, in the heart of every café, beyond the smiles and aroma of coffee, there’s a side of the service industry that often goes unseen. One that, at times, can feel bruising.

Lilac Oak | Vegan Café & Bakes - We appreciate all the chatter you bring to our space. Thank you for filling our space with warmth.

Bullying doesn’t end in school. It just looks different.

We often think of bullying as something that happens in classrooms or playgrounds. But in reality, it continues well into adulthood — only this time, it wears different faces.

In cafés and restaurants, it comes as harsh words, impatient gestures, condescending tones, or scathing online reviews. To the crew behind the counter — often young, passionate individuals doing their best to make someone’s day a little brighter — these words can cut deeply. And while the world preaches “be kind”, some forget that kindness should extend to those who serve them too.

Small business vs. chain — do expectations change?

Here’s a question we often ponder: Why do customers walk into a big chain expecting patience, but into a small café expecting perfection?

A big corporation can afford mistakes — they have systems, teams, and resources. But for small, independent businesses like Lilac Oak, every face, every table, every review carries weight.

Our team isn’t a faceless service unit; we’re a two-women crew each shift — running in and out of the kitchen, brewing drinks, plating meals, taking orders, clearing tables, and doing our very best to make sure everyone feels taken care of.

Sometimes, in the middle of the rush, we may have missed a glance, a question, or a moment to check in. If we’ve ever made you feel neglected or unseen during your time with us — please accept our heartfelt apologies. It was never out of disregard, only the limits of two pairs of hands doing their best. We are human too.

What does “service” mean — and what lives up to a 10% service charge?

We get it. Paying a service charge naturally sets an expectation. But what does that 10% really mean?

In a café like ours, it’s not about luxury or theatrics. It’s about care in the little things — remembering your regular order, offering water and packaging without a charge, serving each plate with warmth, cleaning up thoughtfully after a toddler’s meal, or making sure every guest feels seen, not just served.

It’s a form of invisible labor — emotional and physical — that goes beyond a transaction. It’s what makes a café a space of comfort, not just consumption.

Service isn’t one-size-fits-all

Not all service is meant to feel the same — nor should it.

Hawker stalls thrive on efficiency — the service is quick, functional, and no-frills.
Fast food outlets focus on speed and consistency. They’re designed to move crowds, not conversations.
Cafés like ours exist in the middle ground — offering warmth, attentiveness, and connection within a casual, approachable setting.
Restaurants deliver formality, structure, and the full-service experience.

Each space has its rhythm and purpose. But sometimes, customers forget that cafés — especially small, independent ones — aren’t built to replicate fine dining. We’re here to offer heart, not hierarchy.

A reminder from our side of the counter

We read every Google review — both the good and the harsh. The kind words keep us going. The unkind ones remind us how much room there still is in the world for empathy. The honest ones keep us improving.

To those who’ve supported us with grace and understanding, thank you. To those we may have unintentionally disappointed, we hear you, and we’re learning every day.

Because at the end of the day, service isn’t about servitude — it’s about respect.

And maybe, if we all start treating one another with a little more patience and compassion, we’ll create not just better cafés, but a kinder world — one cup at a time.

Come Say Hi!

Whether you’re here for a slice of vegan cake, a nourishing main, or to discover a new way of living — we’re here to welcome you with open arms (and a warm oat latte!).

Visit us at www.lilacoak.com or follow us on Instagram @lilac.oak for new menu updates, specials, and behind-the-scenes peeks.